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Did I 'OPT OUT'?

It’s 6:30 in the morning and I’m sitting at the breakfast table reading the morning paper and having my first cup of “half caf” coffee (we’ll touch on that later), when I come across an article of particular interest – “Stay at Home Moms”. I’m somewhat excited about the recognition, making the front page of the Post (lower left corner), and yet somewhat cautious of the premise. My “caution” was warranted. Apparently, there was a recent study done that indicated that stay-at-home moms tended to be younger (than what?) and less educated. Hello, I don’t recall anyone knocking on my door or the door of a number of “sophisticated", "mature” acquaintances of mine who just happen to have “opted out” of traditional employment. The funny thing was the timing of this article. Its been nearly a year since I took my “leave” to become a full time MOM, and was finally coming to terms with my decision. I mean, come on people, I am part of a REVOLUTION – “opt-out revolution”- made up of well educated women who CHOSE to leave the workforce to take care of their children (and significant other). We could work if we wanted to, but WE OPTED OUT. We ran companies, had high profile corporate positions, practiced medicine or law (and/or both), attained post graduate degrees, had 5 cell phones on each ear, all the while scheduling carpools, play-dates, dinner dates, dinner menus and homework routines. We multi-tasked with the best of them. However, according to this article and the census, this so-called REVOLUTION is over. And even questionable as to whether there ever was one. Was it all smoke and mirrors? In fact, the census indicated that the educational level of nearly 1 in 5 mothers at home was less than a high school degree and 12% of these “revolutionary” moms were shown to be below the poverty line. Who knew?

So, I decided to “google” the “opt-out revolution”. To my surprise, not only was there a significant number of articles in support of this theory, but an equal number expressing either doubt of its existence or surmising its “demise”. Through my search, I came across a journalist by the name of Lisa Belkin. Ms. Belkin seems to be credited with either creating the expression “opt-out” or just popularizing its existence. But either way, she raised some brows. It continues to be an ongoing debate ever since she published a NY Times article in 2003 that included interviews with highly successful women who chose to leave the workforce to care for their children. Its undeniable that these women left their jobs. The debate, apparently was, and continues to be, whether they were “pushed out” by their respective employers rather than “pulled” by the motherhood strings.

So, it got me thinking (uh oh)– did I “opt out” or did I “quit”? There is a distinction. Did I “quit” because I was overwhelmed between pressures from work and the demands from home and scared of failing at both, OR did I choose to “opt out” because I wanted to spend uninterrupted, totally focused time with my children? Yeah, yeah, that’s the ticket. Did I avoid failure by “quitting” (I sometimes think I do that), OR did I preserve success by “opting out?” Yeah, yeah, that’s the one…

I think in reality, though, what I really did was “TAKE A BREATHER”. Maybe I just needed to regroup. How about a NEW MOVEMENT– “TAKE A BREATHER” revolution. Everyone deserves a PAUSE in life. Well, maybe not everyone, but certainly women. We have been on so many tracks – fast track, partnership track, baby track, marriage track. As a result of the feminist movement, we've been given the GREEN light, and the encouragement to enter the "track", but its sometimes hard to know what race we’re in. Maybe that’s the problem. We’re running so fast to get to the next track that we never get to see the scenery. I don’t want to be one of those people who tell others to enjoy the moment because it goes by too fast. I want to be the one who says that IF you enjoy the moment it goes by at perfect speed.

Its time to TAKE A BREATHER.

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