SO, ten years later, and I am once again faced with another sudden shift in direction. As I am in the midst of apologizing to whomever is asking as I explain my current change in employment (or lack there of), most responses range from – “that’s great that you can do that", “this is the time your kids need you the most”, “you’re doing the right thing", “you won’t realize it now, but your kids will be better for it". The problem is, those responding are working.
NOW I feel the PRESSURE IS ON – my success will only be measured by my childrens’ success. I’ve succeeded ONLY if they have succeeded. The problem with this is that you can’t compute this success in dollars and cents. It’s an arbitrary measurement that won’t be realized for years to come. For someone who likes instant gratification, that’s a hard pill to swallow.
We let our nanny go in October of last year after 5 years. It was time for STRATEGY CHANGE. We were bringing in the “BIG GUNS” – MOM. As background, our nanny came to us after 10 years living with another family of three girls. She didn’t feel needed by her previous family as two of the girls were off to college and the third was in high school. And I was at a point where I felt I needed another set of hands especially with our youngest (Sid) still in preschool, and half day at that. It allowed me to work, run my errands, drive to after-school activities with our oldest son (Louie), and all the while, know that Sidney was in good hands. From the moment I would bring him home from pre-school, she never left his sight. As the years progressed and work required more of my attention and focus, she became more in demand. As hard as I tried to create a balance, the scales always seemed to tip in the wrong direction. Sure, I was able to work from home, but its hard to play ball when your client is demanding attention and expecting a product by noon the next day, and your son is yelling "go long".
The concept of working from home meant closing my office door and pretending I wasn’t there. So our nanny became their at-home playmate. There were many a days she could be found playing baseball or hiking a football (and I mean the traditional way of hiking), or just sitting watching them, whether it be out front while the two boys had a catch or a basketball shoot-out, or riding their bikes or razors around the cul-de-sac, or even as mundane as watching them play a video game or sitting with them watching “The Suite Life of Zach and Cody” or “Tool Time”, or SpongeBob”. Whatever the immediate need, SHE was “AVAILABLE”, without restraint, without outside demands, without external conflicts. Short and simple, SHE was the “MOM” they needed.
Obviously, this created some conflict, and I'm not even talking about my own internal conflict of JEALOUSY. JEALOUS of not being the one "hiking" the ball, or JEALOUS of not being able to sit with them to do a puzzle or play Monopoly (I hate Monopoly), or jealous of not knowing the characters in their tv shows that they keep referring to, or JEALOUS of not being the one at the bus stop every afternoon. She would actually challenge me when I made it home in time for the bus as if I were interferring with her "job". Perhaps I was. I just wanted to be the one that they ran to or smiled at after a day of learning. The bottom line, just plain JEALOUS of not being available. No, I'm not referring to that CONFLICT. That's a whole separate issue. OBVIOUSLY.
The REAL PROBLEM (and after reading the above paragraph, I guess that's debatable as to "the real problem") was that she was becoming TOO available, to the point that they did nothing for themselves. She waited on them for whatever needs would arise - a milkbox from the kitchen, a pair of socks from their drawer upstairs, a different tee shirt because they were “over” the one they had chosen earlier that morning. And then of course, there were the evenings when we would come home after a dinner date and find both boys still in their play clothes playing video games at 10 o’clock on a school night. When asked why everyone was still up and not in bed, the response was always the same – “we wanted to play one more game”. She didn’t feel it was her place to “demand” or punish. Perhaps she was right. It was MY place. It was time to TAKE CONTROL BACK. We needed structure, discipline, rules. Basically, it was time to “PUT UP, OR SHUT UP”. IT WAS TIME TO BE "MOM".
THERE'S A "NEW KID" IN TOWN. There’s gonna be some CHANGES…..
NOW I feel the PRESSURE IS ON – my success will only be measured by my childrens’ success. I’ve succeeded ONLY if they have succeeded. The problem with this is that you can’t compute this success in dollars and cents. It’s an arbitrary measurement that won’t be realized for years to come. For someone who likes instant gratification, that’s a hard pill to swallow.
We let our nanny go in October of last year after 5 years. It was time for STRATEGY CHANGE. We were bringing in the “BIG GUNS” – MOM. As background, our nanny came to us after 10 years living with another family of three girls. She didn’t feel needed by her previous family as two of the girls were off to college and the third was in high school. And I was at a point where I felt I needed another set of hands especially with our youngest (Sid) still in preschool, and half day at that. It allowed me to work, run my errands, drive to after-school activities with our oldest son (Louie), and all the while, know that Sidney was in good hands. From the moment I would bring him home from pre-school, she never left his sight. As the years progressed and work required more of my attention and focus, she became more in demand. As hard as I tried to create a balance, the scales always seemed to tip in the wrong direction. Sure, I was able to work from home, but its hard to play ball when your client is demanding attention and expecting a product by noon the next day, and your son is yelling "go long".
The concept of working from home meant closing my office door and pretending I wasn’t there. So our nanny became their at-home playmate. There were many a days she could be found playing baseball or hiking a football (and I mean the traditional way of hiking), or just sitting watching them, whether it be out front while the two boys had a catch or a basketball shoot-out, or riding their bikes or razors around the cul-de-sac, or even as mundane as watching them play a video game or sitting with them watching “The Suite Life of Zach and Cody” or “Tool Time”, or SpongeBob”. Whatever the immediate need, SHE was “AVAILABLE”, without restraint, without outside demands, without external conflicts. Short and simple, SHE was the “MOM” they needed.
Obviously, this created some conflict, and I'm not even talking about my own internal conflict of JEALOUSY. JEALOUS of not being the one "hiking" the ball, or JEALOUS of not being able to sit with them to do a puzzle or play Monopoly (I hate Monopoly), or jealous of not knowing the characters in their tv shows that they keep referring to, or JEALOUS of not being the one at the bus stop every afternoon. She would actually challenge me when I made it home in time for the bus as if I were interferring with her "job". Perhaps I was. I just wanted to be the one that they ran to or smiled at after a day of learning. The bottom line, just plain JEALOUS of not being available. No, I'm not referring to that CONFLICT. That's a whole separate issue. OBVIOUSLY.
The REAL PROBLEM (and after reading the above paragraph, I guess that's debatable as to "the real problem") was that she was becoming TOO available, to the point that they did nothing for themselves. She waited on them for whatever needs would arise - a milkbox from the kitchen, a pair of socks from their drawer upstairs, a different tee shirt because they were “over” the one they had chosen earlier that morning. And then of course, there were the evenings when we would come home after a dinner date and find both boys still in their play clothes playing video games at 10 o’clock on a school night. When asked why everyone was still up and not in bed, the response was always the same – “we wanted to play one more game”. She didn’t feel it was her place to “demand” or punish. Perhaps she was right. It was MY place. It was time to TAKE CONTROL BACK. We needed structure, discipline, rules. Basically, it was time to “PUT UP, OR SHUT UP”. IT WAS TIME TO BE "MOM".
THERE'S A "NEW KID" IN TOWN. There’s gonna be some CHANGES…..
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