I just went to yet ANOTHER 50th birthday party. This time it was for a college friend that I reconnected with through FACEBOOK. We hadn’t seen each other since college, so there was a lot of “filling in the blanks.” She went around the table explaining to others how each friend was connected to her. As she did, she made mention how well we all had done by noting that “Deb” was a teacher, “Cathy” was an exec with Verizon, “Patty” was a high level government employee and “Norma” was an attorney. Like I said, it had been awhile since we last spoke – 3 lifetimes ago. The “filling in the blank” hadn’t yet started. I didn’t feel like this was the moment to correct or explain where I REALLY “WAS” today. Actually, I didn’t want to, PERIOD. Who’s to say I will ever see these people again, and why go through the explanation. But, if the situation was different, and I was sitting with a group of neighbors being introduced for the first time, would I have found the NEED to explain? Better question, would I have found the GUMPTION to explain?
OF COURSE I WOULD. I have no problem telling people that I no longer practice law. In fact, I receive more applause for taking the initiative to WALK AWAY from law than I received for going into law. What’s this world coming to when a “used car” salesperson is situated higher on the ladder of respect than a lawyer!? That’s what I encountered when I left law to enter my parents’ used car business. It was a respectable move. Anyway, after much internal debate I finally came up with a standard response to any questions regarding my current change of career – I’m on an extended “LEAVE OF ABSENCE” to be “available" for my kids. Yeah, that’s it, A LEAVE OF ABSENCE. At least it gives the impression that I DID work, that I HAD a career at one time. Now, I just have to say it WITHOUT feeling like I need to apologize for it….
AND SPEAKING OF APOLOGY….
There was a day last week that WAS EXACTLY the type of day that validated my decision to be MORE available for my kids. It was a Thursday and Louie woke up complaining of a mild stomachache. I took his complaint only so serious as he was still able to roughhouse it with his brother and eat breakfast. However, he’s generally not one to “fake” an illness to get out of school. And mind you, school had just entered into its second full week, certainly too soon for feigned illness. HOWEVER, this being our first team tennis match, I couldn’t call in “sick”, and I wasn’t about to keep Louie home so that he could come with me to the match. THAT didn’t seem like the right thing to do.
Quite frankly, I was needed. Everyone on the team was needed as we were scrambling for players. BOTTOM LINE, LOUIE WENT TO SCHOOL, not willingly, and I WENT TO PLAY TENNIS. I kind of half expected a phone call, but was hoping he could make it through the morning. At least that way I could get the match played, and then be available to get him. Well, my intuition came to reality. Half way through my match, I decided to check my phone log, and sure enough there was a MISSED CALL FROM SCHOOL. We had just won the first set of a 2 out of 3 set match. We had at least one more set to play. MY DILEMMA, of course, was whether or not to call the school or pretend I didn’t notice the call. Maybe the nurse just wanted to let me know that Louie came into the office complaining of a stomachache, but sent him back to class since he didn’t have a temperature. Since I didn’t see a call from my husband, I knew that they hadn’t tried to reach him. SO HOW BAD COULD IT REALLY BE???
However, wasn’t this the REASON I CHOSE TO STAY HOME! What was I thinking? OF COURSE I had to call the school. Just as I was calling, another call came in (from the school). Uh oh. It was the school nurse who indicated Louie had a 99.5 temperature. She was more concerned, however, by the fact that over the past 5 years, Louie was seldom “visiting”, meaning COME AND GET HIM. She then put Louie on the phone. “Hey sweetie”, I said, trying to sound upbeat. He sounded pathetic. I was at a loss. Do I forfeit our match and go get him, or do I try to find someone AVAILABLE to get him.
My mother…I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON MY MOTHER. But then I remembered, this was her day to play tennis. How could I ask her to drop her game so that I could finish mine? She would have, though. But this was MY child. And, didn’t I want him to feel the same about me that I did about my mother? I NEEDED TO MAKE THE SACRIFICE. I needed to “walk the line”. SO I DID (sort of). I asked Louie if he could hang in there for 30 minutes and I would be there. I turned to my partner who was anxiously waiting for my decision, and told her, “We need to wrap this up quickly”. I gave us 30 minutes to win the set. Should we require a third set, I WOULD FORFEIT. At least that’s what I told myself. I kind of “CUT THE BABY IN HALF,” didn’t I?
During the car ride to school, I came up with a complete scenario of why it had taken me so long to get there. I knew I couldn’t just walk in, grab Louie and leave. I had to talk to the nurse. Thank her for allowing Louie to stay with her, and apologize for not being able to get there sooner. “Beltway traffic was at a standstill.” That’s it. Who wouldn’t believe that, especially coming from a mother with a sick child waiting for her imminent arrival? Not only was I going to make traffic the obvious culprit, I was going to make sure it stuck. “I was returning from Virginia, and crossing the bridge was nearly impossible.” THAT WAS GOOD! I practiced my story to the extent that I truly believed it myself.
I arrived at school within 45 minutes from the nurse’s phone call. She truly had no idea where I was coming from. In fact, as far as she knew, I was in the middle of a meeting when she called or half way across the county. I ran into the building in an OBVIOUS panic. I was going to be convincing. But before I could get the first words out of my mouth, the nurse asked “HOW WAS YOUR MATCH?” Louie, Louie, Louie. He loves to talk.
MORTIFIED.
How do you begin to respond? Do I tell her that I forfeited to get here from Virginia? Do I tell her that I INTENDED to forfeit if we had lost the second set? I smiled, motioned that I didn’t speak English, grabbed Louie and ran out. I was, of course, just the Nanny!
SO MUCH FOR AVAILABILITY!!!
OF COURSE I WOULD. I have no problem telling people that I no longer practice law. In fact, I receive more applause for taking the initiative to WALK AWAY from law than I received for going into law. What’s this world coming to when a “used car” salesperson is situated higher on the ladder of respect than a lawyer!? That’s what I encountered when I left law to enter my parents’ used car business. It was a respectable move. Anyway, after much internal debate I finally came up with a standard response to any questions regarding my current change of career – I’m on an extended “LEAVE OF ABSENCE” to be “available" for my kids. Yeah, that’s it, A LEAVE OF ABSENCE. At least it gives the impression that I DID work, that I HAD a career at one time. Now, I just have to say it WITHOUT feeling like I need to apologize for it….
AND SPEAKING OF APOLOGY….
There was a day last week that WAS EXACTLY the type of day that validated my decision to be MORE available for my kids. It was a Thursday and Louie woke up complaining of a mild stomachache. I took his complaint only so serious as he was still able to roughhouse it with his brother and eat breakfast. However, he’s generally not one to “fake” an illness to get out of school. And mind you, school had just entered into its second full week, certainly too soon for feigned illness. HOWEVER, this being our first team tennis match, I couldn’t call in “sick”, and I wasn’t about to keep Louie home so that he could come with me to the match. THAT didn’t seem like the right thing to do.
Quite frankly, I was needed. Everyone on the team was needed as we were scrambling for players. BOTTOM LINE, LOUIE WENT TO SCHOOL, not willingly, and I WENT TO PLAY TENNIS. I kind of half expected a phone call, but was hoping he could make it through the morning. At least that way I could get the match played, and then be available to get him. Well, my intuition came to reality. Half way through my match, I decided to check my phone log, and sure enough there was a MISSED CALL FROM SCHOOL. We had just won the first set of a 2 out of 3 set match. We had at least one more set to play. MY DILEMMA, of course, was whether or not to call the school or pretend I didn’t notice the call. Maybe the nurse just wanted to let me know that Louie came into the office complaining of a stomachache, but sent him back to class since he didn’t have a temperature. Since I didn’t see a call from my husband, I knew that they hadn’t tried to reach him. SO HOW BAD COULD IT REALLY BE???
However, wasn’t this the REASON I CHOSE TO STAY HOME! What was I thinking? OF COURSE I had to call the school. Just as I was calling, another call came in (from the school). Uh oh. It was the school nurse who indicated Louie had a 99.5 temperature. She was more concerned, however, by the fact that over the past 5 years, Louie was seldom “visiting”, meaning COME AND GET HIM. She then put Louie on the phone. “Hey sweetie”, I said, trying to sound upbeat. He sounded pathetic. I was at a loss. Do I forfeit our match and go get him, or do I try to find someone AVAILABLE to get him.
My mother…I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON MY MOTHER. But then I remembered, this was her day to play tennis. How could I ask her to drop her game so that I could finish mine? She would have, though. But this was MY child. And, didn’t I want him to feel the same about me that I did about my mother? I NEEDED TO MAKE THE SACRIFICE. I needed to “walk the line”. SO I DID (sort of). I asked Louie if he could hang in there for 30 minutes and I would be there. I turned to my partner who was anxiously waiting for my decision, and told her, “We need to wrap this up quickly”. I gave us 30 minutes to win the set. Should we require a third set, I WOULD FORFEIT. At least that’s what I told myself. I kind of “CUT THE BABY IN HALF,” didn’t I?
During the car ride to school, I came up with a complete scenario of why it had taken me so long to get there. I knew I couldn’t just walk in, grab Louie and leave. I had to talk to the nurse. Thank her for allowing Louie to stay with her, and apologize for not being able to get there sooner. “Beltway traffic was at a standstill.” That’s it. Who wouldn’t believe that, especially coming from a mother with a sick child waiting for her imminent arrival? Not only was I going to make traffic the obvious culprit, I was going to make sure it stuck. “I was returning from Virginia, and crossing the bridge was nearly impossible.” THAT WAS GOOD! I practiced my story to the extent that I truly believed it myself.
I arrived at school within 45 minutes from the nurse’s phone call. She truly had no idea where I was coming from. In fact, as far as she knew, I was in the middle of a meeting when she called or half way across the county. I ran into the building in an OBVIOUS panic. I was going to be convincing. But before I could get the first words out of my mouth, the nurse asked “HOW WAS YOUR MATCH?” Louie, Louie, Louie. He loves to talk.
MORTIFIED.
How do you begin to respond? Do I tell her that I forfeited to get here from Virginia? Do I tell her that I INTENDED to forfeit if we had lost the second set? I smiled, motioned that I didn’t speak English, grabbed Louie and ran out. I was, of course, just the Nanny!
SO MUCH FOR AVAILABILITY!!!
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